First
we heard that chocolate is set to become pricier that anti-matter and radium (which
price by weight was only commonly exceeded by Citadel Paint), then there was
the news that the Arctic icecap is set to be gone within four years. Now
scientists have revealed that by 2023 sex will also be running to such a low
that it will have to be rationed in order to propagate the species. Results of
recent experiments have shown that sex, thought for quite some time to be a
limitless resource, is of a finite quantity.
The population explosion in recent
decades (due in no small part in the western world to a draw down in the number
of explosions amongst the population) has led to more people being alive than
have ever lived before. Ever. With reincarnation exhausted circa 1969 the human
race was forced to recycle the souls of monkeys, and a small form of bear from
the Paleogenic era that would shit itself to death if another small form of
bear just like it thought something that the first thought was good, was not.
With both species of soul already in maturity and no further forms of soul
compatible to the human genome the finite resource of sex has come, to use the technical
term, to spanking point.
It’s widely been known for some time
that this would most likely be the case. As little as three hundred years ago
the human sperm emerged from the male as a single, slightly furry spermatozoa somewhat
smaller than a mouse. Birth control of the time centred around the catching of
the seed in a linen bag whereby it could be beaten to death with a shoe. The
modern discharge standing as only small amount of wand-vomit, within the next
three years even this is almost certainly going to be reduced to a tiny, soft
fart of only moderately potent pink smoke. Whilst for parents a limitation on
sex will present no very big change at all plans are for the rest of humanity
being drawn up to allow each person only a certain amount of sex over the
course of their lifetime.
Since this will be back-dated to
1969 it’s bad news for those who were promiscuous when young as they will have
likely already exceeded their established quota. The further propagation of the
species then will rest in the hands of those that did not fritter away their
ration; however unknowing.
Babylon 5 fans are said to be
thrilled.
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