Sunday 23 September 2012

Sex, Reincarnation, and Babylon 5

First we heard that chocolate is set to become pricier that anti-matter and radium (which price by weight was only commonly exceeded by Citadel Paint), then there was the news that the Arctic icecap is set to be gone within four years. Now scientists have revealed that by 2023 sex will also be running to such a low that it will have to be rationed in order to propagate the species. Results of recent experiments have shown that sex, thought for quite some time to be a limitless resource, is of a finite quantity.
            The population explosion in recent decades (due in no small part in the western world to a draw down in the number of explosions amongst the population) has led to more people being alive than have ever lived before. Ever. With reincarnation exhausted circa 1969 the human race was forced to recycle the souls of monkeys, and a small form of bear from the Paleogenic era that would shit itself to death if another small form of bear just like it thought something that the first thought was good, was not. With both species of soul already in maturity and no further forms of soul compatible to the human genome the finite resource of sex has come, to use the technical term, to spanking point.
            It’s widely been known for some time that this would most likely be the case. As little as three hundred years ago the human sperm emerged from the male as a single, slightly furry spermatozoa somewhat smaller than a mouse. Birth control of the time centred around the catching of the seed in a linen bag whereby it could be beaten to death with a shoe. The modern discharge standing as only small amount of wand-vomit, within the next three years even this is almost certainly going to be reduced to a tiny, soft fart of only moderately potent pink smoke. Whilst for parents a limitation on sex will present no very big change at all plans are for the rest of humanity being drawn up to allow each person only a certain amount of sex over the course of their lifetime.
            Since this will be back-dated to 1969 it’s bad news for those who were promiscuous when young as they will have likely already exceeded their established quota. The further propagation of the species then will rest in the hands of those that did not fritter away their ration; however unknowing.
            Babylon 5 fans are said to be thrilled.

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