Five quid for a handy round back of the bins
Rollicking
through the best seller list, Fifty Bags Of Litter is the latest soaraway
success already defended before the inevitable attacks upon it as ‘at least
it’s enabling the badly middle aged to read the dusty instructions on that
cheap, plastic vibrator they were given as a joke one year by secret santa.’
Originally Womble fanfic, working under the pseudonym E. L. Whisty the
secretive author has been left largely bemused, on a park bench, in a mac,
worried that he might not actually be quite so funny without Dudley Moore after
all.
Fifty Bags Of Litter is the erotic tale
of the overly described Wombles no longer confined to Wimbledon Common, but in
the case of young, sparky and virginal Chardonnay Womble freeing herself from
the oppressive sexuality of the burrow by becoming the sex-muffin of Jarvis
Womble, of Soho. Much as The Story of O did for the sale of masks, and the
Velvet Underground did for sales of Venus In Furs, the streets of Britain are
already looking tidier as furtive women somewhere between mutton and lamb
wander heath, park and common picking up litter and putting it in recycling
bins. Bubbling and fizzing away to the clink of Panda pop bottle in bank,
otherwise deserted supermarket car parks now whisper to such passages as ‘the
slurp of wet cardboard on rim’ and ‘his soft paw crinkled to the sound of
toffee wrapper and dog egg’.
Fans of this the first in a three part
series (already dubbed scrubbers) have been reported screaming faintly at the
sight of a kite caught in a tree. One such scrubber spoke to us covertly from
the till of the local Tesco, asking as we filled our bags ‘are you underground,
or overground’.
I hope you are all set for the summer of
Wombling free (love).
And some pretty mediocre bondage.
Stretching up on tip toe
ReplyDeleteJogging on the spot
Pornography is good for you
Abstinence is not
Very good - it took me a moment to place the Mike Batt song. A little confusion, now I know how everyone else doubtless feels half the time in this place.
ReplyDelete