Totally Time Team

GRAMS                                             THEME MUSIC (END CREDITS)

ANTON:                                             So that was Totally Time Team. Very now, Very sexy. We’re very excited. Totally excited.

MATT:                                                 The presenter? Is she new?

ANTON:                                             Lara? A little film work. Some voice over stuff. She’s very cult. Now, but retro. Archaeologist obviously. Well, you saw that.

MATT:                                                 That was Archaeology? She was shooting lions. I’m not saying that shooting lions or… what where those lads in the body armour?

ANTON:                                             Henchmen for the Lux Corporation. We had a little trouble with them crashing the dig.

MATT:                                                 I noticed that, yes. Were they protestors? I know that the locals don’t always like having JCB’s carving up great chunks of their beauty spots?

ANTON:                                             I believe they were sent by the High Illuminati in order to prevent Lara from gaining the Fire of Promethea. Great tele. Totally great tele!

MATT:                                                 Totally.

ANTON:                                             So do we have a go? I’ve already lined up the next dig. Everyone’s tremendously eager. Lara most of all. It’s in Atlantis.

MATT:                                                 The mythical land that was destroyed in pre-Biblical times?

ANTON:                                             Who’s been talking?

MATT:                                                 It exists?

ANTON:                                             Totally. The Fire of Promethea revealed its location to the crew in a blaze of blue light. It’s in Wiltshire. BBC Bristol are very keen to be a part of it. Their nature programmes have been flagging a bit recently and there’s a sniff of alien life that they want to film.

MATT:                                                 I’m not sure this is quite what we’re looking for. The cost for example. How much did that towering pyramid and the thousands of worshippers take from the budget?

ANTON:                                             Cost? Oh no, we just let Lara unearth all that. We can’t cough for CGI. It’s just a presenter and a steady cam.

MATT:                                                 (MUCH WARMER) Indeed? I hadn’t realised. I thought they were our lions.

ANTON:                                             No, no. This is archaeology on the cusp. On the line. Pushing the edge. It’s not all three trenches and Baldrick nowadays. 

MATT:                                                 (ENTHUSIASTIC) What other sites have you sketched in for the rest of the series?

ANTON:                                             Well, there’s the Grail. Obviously. Very big now what with the Da Vinci code. That’s a bit further away though.

MATT:                                                 Scotland?

ANTON:                                             Scotland, yeah. King Arthur’s grave after that. Lara’s going to make him rise up and fight once more for England. Against terror.

MATT:                                                 A tie in with the Glastonbury Festival?

ANTON:                                             Phil Jupitus interviewing the Once and Future King? Totally. We can find out what a 6^th Century warlord thinks of the Arctic Monkeys.

MATT:                                                 I’m very excited.

ANTON:                                             We’re all totally excited.

MATT:                                                 Totally.

ANTON:                                             And lastly we’ve lined up the last resting place of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Shrewton. That’s in Wiltshire too.

MATT:                                                 Christmas Special?

ANTON:                                             Totally.