Sunday 11 September 2011

Hulk Hogan to play Elric

Who of any wit, renown or set of dashing moustaches has not been waiting with both trembling anticipation and a sensible spoonful of wary horror for the Elric movie? On again, off again, so long has Elric spent in development hell that he’s retrospectively to be found now in Milton. Elric (the very first post on this blog) a figure unlike the heartier heroes of the day was ever more akin to his readers. Slight, somewhat frail, amoral yet not immoral Elric was a sorcerer when sorcerers were villains and needed compounds of drugs to get out of bed in the late afternoon (probably for a spot of kitten golf). The only thing that enjoyed the word ‘ripple’ was chocolate, and as he first appeared in the novella The Dreaming City in 1961 this was more likely a Flake. Lover of (and after betraying his own people to their destruction slayer of) his cousin Cymoril Elric was soon supported by his vampiric sword Stormbringer (which this being the 60s was still a long time before ‘vampire’ meant a nice gay boyfriend for teenage girls, but had more to do with Jon Finch, Ingrid Pitt and the Collinson sisters). A sword that allowed him to put aside the drugs for all the souls he got to eat in battle instead. Of which there was no small amount.
Hulk Hogan is to play the role.
Hogan, enormous yellow wrestling sensation and star of Mr. Nanny, Santa With Muscles, and Muppets In Space is said to have brought a different take on the classic antihero Elric involving the theme Real American playing as his signature, the ripping free of his armour before any fight and the ability to ‘Hulk Up’ to the cheers of the audience when facing the Lords Of Chaos. In the movie Elric hunts for the slayer of his cousin Cymoril and the traitor that saw to the fall of his kingdom, Melnibone (here at the hands of the Calormen from Narnia). Stormbringer the long, thin whining blade (whose seductive beauty is lost on anyone that watched Hammer films as a youth) is played by Kiera Knightly.
Apparently Michael Moorcock is looking into means of entering his grave a little earlier solely for the purpose of being able therein to spin.

1 comment:

  1. Melnibone never bore a son even slightly resembling hulk hogan. The whole point was that we were all thin, pale, interesting and a dab hand with a unconventional style of wielding a bastard sword.

    I think in a fight between myself and the hulk I would send his sorry arse right back to sunny Florida - on proviso that I could wield that little gem you made with the two iron bars in it Alan! I used to hear people's shields snapping all the way from the armoury!