The Greek Economy (with stop motion skeletons)

Brian Blessed (firm favourite for gold in the cock-wrestling event)

Given the problems with the Greek economy it should perhaps have been no surprise that the answer to such is to lie not with financial aid, the world bank, or the gnomes of Zurich but with a recently announced quest for the Golden Fleece. Ever since King Cretheus was murdered-to-death by Pelias over the inevitable problems following the expulsion of Nazi Germany, the communist and loyalist partisans have brought the country to the brink of ruin, what with all the laughter, and beards, and the chasing of nymphs. Said by scholars to represent kingship, alchemy, or the development of mining in a pre-literate society it in fact represents a bloody great golden fleece. If scholars had spent more time on a Saturday afternoon watching jerkily animated skeletons there would be a whole lot less of this sort of rot.

The coming 2012 Olympic will be set to give to each medal winner the chance to compete for a place aboard the ship, and therefore the quest. The ship named for the famous wife of the late shipping magnate who provided for just such an event, the crew shall take as is right the name of the ship for themselves. These Sillycowthatmarriedkennedy-a-nauts will provide the skills necessary to defeat a giant Plasticine hydra, they the best athletes and warriors in the eyes of the Gods. Champions of dressage, table tennis and badminton will set forth during the closing celebrations of the games in order to fight off harpies and foolishly bring to life the bronze god Talos (currently to be found you might recall, in St Pancras).

The whole crew shall wear as their official uniform the same little leather pants promoted by the film 300, even the girls, of which there shall be none – who shall in such a case be officially listed as ‘beardless youths’.

A name lost to boy-bands now ever after.