A New Mayor For London

Since Ken Livingston accepted a post to teach potions, Brian Paddick’s face became stuck upside down, and Boris Johnson was, and is, still unable to escape from a single revolving door the only real contender for the next Mayor of London has been revealed today as Morph. First coming to the attention of the public in such series as Vision On and Take Morph the tiny and inarticulate actor gained fame for presenting the shows with the aid of a stop-motion Tony Hart.

On contract to Aardman he received for long years only bit-parts thereafter, including as a piece of cheese in A Grand Day Out. Not until Chicken Run did Morph gain a star billing again when curiously in a film entirely composed of Plasticine actors he provided instead the voice of Rocky, incomprehensively squeaking from one scene to the next, mostly blaming Jewish people – though for what was never exactly clear. Chicken Run (a child friendly version of Logan’s Run) rather missed the point of the original - bemusing fans when the story of how the events and revelations of a single day can turn a dedicated killer against the very society that created him without fatuously making out it was love, to something about rebelling against pies. Morph’s performance as Rocky 5 didn’t help.

A short-lived spell in advertising has since been overshadowed also, where whilst Morph had to paint himself yellow and play the trombone in order to sell butter Johnny Rotten not giving two bent fucks for what anyone thought did it better, and more laughably.

So vote for Morph for Mayor of London. It’ll probably mean the return of the bendy-bus, but then to be fair it will mean an establishment of a bendy everything.