Pancake day and as ever
there are many more made than eaten. Obviously we’ve already wondered why we
don’t have pancakes more often – and yet there they are, more left over, for
shame. But it’s a waste and I hate that, so if like me you have leftovers fear
not, for here are fifty uses of excess pancakes.
An
ironic page marker for cookery books.
A
protector for very cheap smart phones.
Sun
block for bald men, better the pancake crispy.
An
ergonomic tissue.
A
holster for a banana, when used as a weapon.
A
milk mop.
A
pocket kerchief when wearing a beige tie.
A
rope for safe games of tug-of-war.
A
net for catching crafty flies.
A
means by which wellies can be readily turned into pirate boots.
A
means of storing CDs when all confused amongst their boxes.
For
use in challenging only a very mildly deadly enemy to a less lethal than normal
duel.
A
blanket for a poorly hamster.
Wet
wipes for people with greasy skin.
As
a clay pigeon for Nerf guns.
An
emergency nappy when camping.
A
mouse mat for practising computer dexterity with a boiled egg.
A
flag for attracting passing lemon vans.
A
comic for the short-sighted.
As
a knife for a Buddhist out mugging.
As
ears when disguising oneself as an elephant.
A
clue in batter-related crime fiction.
Birth
control for couples that want children – one day.
An
apron for vegetarian cenobites.
A
sail for toy boats on a gravy pond.
The
skin of a drum for tired musicians.
A
ski-mask for hot summer days.
Prosthetic
leaves for an ailing house plant.
A
judo mat for combative mice.
A
vinyl LP for a record player without a needle.
A
bandage for sugar-cuts.
Underpants
for shy flashers.
A
patch for a threadbare batter tent.
A
frisbee for the disinclined.
An
alien monster for Action Man B Movie re-enactments.
A
wimple for a confectionary nun.
A
lead for an unwanted dog.
A
present for someone you mildly dislike.
As
a ghost costume for a chicken invited to a fancy-dress party at very short
notice.
As
jewellery for the metal-intolerant
A
wallet for the cash-challenged.
As
a throw to hide very small piles of mess.
A
living environment for overweight pond-skaters.
As
cymbals for the easily startled.
A
saw for margarine planks.
A
crash helmet for workers in a pillow warehouse.
A
target for spaghetti arrows.
A
blurry poster for fans of potato boy-bands.
A
cushion for very mild piles.
And,
as a buffet plate for the overweight.
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