New
plans have been unveiled to answer the call for England to leave Europe.
Reacting to pressure brought through
comments by on every news story on Yahoo (ever) the Prime Minister is rumoured to be
announcing a historical break with the continent in the new year. Such plans go
back many years of course, with the erection of giant propellers across anywhere
in the British Isles (that previously had a good view) now having reached a
sufficient number to propel Britain like a colossal swamp buggy about the
globe. The idea is said to have come from Live And Let Die, or The Man With The
Golden Gun, or Roger Moore anyway – whichever one it was where Bond flew around
in a swamp, raft, buggy thing. Unless that was a speedboat (and I quote).
The
monumental cost of the project to move Britain out of Europe and into another
continent has been offset by the whole being filmed as the central theme of
this year’s (still under wraps) Top Gear special. In the two hour spectacular
Jeremy Clarkson grumbles mightily about Europe, Richard Hammond falls off
things and won’t eat the food, and in a surprise win for James May the home-counties
are moved in a small circle with the aid of the world’s largest elastic band.
It only remains for the Government
to decide which continent Britain will eventually tie up to (and which is not
Europe). A further rumour persists however that in the event of none of them
being quite right Britain will ‘form its own continent somewhere not too hot,
and preferably in the past’.
Also, we won the cricket.
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