Unreality Television

I’m not saying that things in teleland are feeding off themselves like the serpent Ouroborus with tail firmly thrust into the mouth but the latest reality television show soon to hit the airwaves isn’t even set in... reality.

The Only Way Is Arioch (TOWIA) sees several members of the dying elder race of Melnibone thrust into a beach house where acting awfully they will be filmed for our pleasured hatred. Melnibone (overthrown at the hands of its own last true Emperor Elric after his cousin Yrkoon usurped the throne) a nation of decadent chaos-worshipping slavers would seem ideal to spark both controversy and debate. Early showings have not however garnered quite the reviews the producers are likely to have been hoping for.

‘They just lie around,’ said one.

And, ‘I think they’re screwing, but it’s all wormy and goes on a bit, and no one says ‘Oh yeah’ a lot.’

Then, ‘Cymoril is a bitch.’

Indeed, the grand cliff-hanger to this first episode has many confused. Having turned their backs on the vows made to the Lords Of Chaos (who’da’fort’it) the house mates ride out swinging howling runeswords, secure the Horn Of Fate and now look set to end the world. Also, they spent all their food budget on black lotus blossoms leaving the slaves they took in their Ivory Barges from downtown Margate to do all the cleaning. Also, their tasks. And, everything else.

TOWIA, coming soon.  

What else are you going to watch?