Michael Eavis Oakenshield

May the hair on his toes never fall off!

Michael Eavis is said to be delighted with the choice of Richard Armitage to portray him in the upcoming movie The Hobbit. Mr Eavis (forced to flee to Worthy Farm in Somerset after goblins and Smaug the dragon forced him from his ancestral home in the Lonely Mountain) fled to Bath to watch Led Zeppelin, from which chance meeting in Rivendell the Glastonbury Festival was born.

                          “Richard Armitage is clearly the ideal person to play me,” Mr Eavis said this morning, “I was struck by his portrayal of increasingly unlikely spy Lucas North in BBCs Spooks and the way the show made mention of my long lust for the Arkenstone.”

                          Slighted somewhat by Tokien as a grim, miserable, sulking sort of figure Eavis first came to light when seeking to recruit a burgler in order to honourably restore his throne, wherein by kingly might he and his companions would send someone much smaller than them in to nick it. “We never fell out with the elves either,” said Mr Eavis of the walk, “so much as had to beat them off with sticks when they tried to steal our shoes.”

                          When asked as to the truth of the tale now being filmed for release this year, Mr Eavis pointed out, “Go up the green fields this June and chuck a rock at the crowd, trust me you’ll hit someone called Gandalf.”