Sunday 27 May 2012

Jessica Ennis, Fatty

Fat slag

British Olympic athlete Jessica Ennis was condemned this week for being ‘too fat’ by an unnamed official within the UK Athletics Association. Ennis, typically for such a dedicated sportswoman a tightly knotted piece of string, is perhaps more famous in recent weeks for being not the complete troll normally required by the UKAA.
An anonymous source has suggested that, ‘Contrary to the tradition of British athletics, and indeed Britain in general, Miss Ennis would look out of place emerging from the black gates of Morder, and has been seen in public in a dress’.
Serious allegations indeed. In keeping with British culture it has been decided that since Miss Ennis might also be a perfectly nice person, is engaged to her boyfriend and about whom there is not the first whiff of scandal, a board convened in the bus stop of Sheffield high street an hour after the pubs shut has decided she is almost certainly a slag.
In keeping therefore with the best of British moves are being made to ensure that Miss Ennis when parading with the British Olympic team will do so in Ug Boots, smoking a Rothmans, whilst shouting at a baby.


  1. She also beat the current Pentathlon record today so is obviously a bad example to school children across Britain who are constantly protected from the negative effects of any form of competitiveness.

  2. I confess I've not encountered that. My sprouts go to a school where the headmistress is sports-mad, and very competitive. The school enters everything that involves a cup, cap, or bit of paper!

    But then I wonder also when I see people I know posting about kids not playing outdoors. Round here the kids all play outdoors, the park and playpark are always thick with 'em. Kids are out and about on their bikes. Even the local youths prowling about in their packs say a friendly 'Owright' when I go by of an evening.

    I suppose it's not easy being urban when you're in the Lakes.