Monday 1 August 2011

Satan, 'Yes, it was all D&D'

High Fantasy

The Devil (Incarnate) has admitted today that, yes, he is only incarnate at all because of Dungeons & Dragons. Materialising in Lake Geneva during the early 80s he was given a partial credit in TSRs Expedition To The Barrier Peaks (where because he is Satan, he included spaceships and laser rifles). Dozens of aging metal fans have protested the announcement on the Satan website since they have long been assured that loud music from Birmingham was the key to the rise of Satan. Satan confessed in response that he was really rather more a show-tunes sort of guy, which surprised only aging metal fans.
Outspoken Christian loonies with their underpants ceremonially worn outside their then too-short trousers sought back then to prevent the corruption of their youth. At the time such came from twenty-sided dice and charts to mathematically calculate how many dice and what numbers were to be rolled to fight ‘black puddings’. The same sects when faced with matters entirely unrelated to the corruption of youth (such as child abuse and institutional racism) chose to oppose such further by picketing rock bands.
Still, seems in one way at least they were right.
‘I got hooked,’ says Satan on ‘I had this fighter-magic user called Satan and after killing all these hobbits I got a powerful magic sword, called Satan. I was up there twice a week, then three, even when they stopped giving me virgins, which between you and I aren’t much use to anyone, anyway,' then, 'Satan.'

1 comment:

  1. One of my favourite lines from the film Bedazzled with Peter Cook & Dudley Moore:

    Moon (Dud): Here, my ice lolly's melted. You really must be the Devil.
    Spigott (Pete): Incarnate. How d'you do?