Friday 29 July 2011

Space 1999 Troofers

Astronauts. Apparently.

Conspiracy loonies have been given a colourfully wrapped package today with the Government’s announcement in answer to accusations that the moon did not get blasted out of orbit back in 1999. For twelve years now a lobby growing throughout the internet has sought to demand answers regarding the disaster when Moonbase Alpha after nuclear waste stored there apparently exploded on September 13th of that year blew it out of orbit. Despite the advanced Eagle shuttles, knuckle-duster lasers and a foxy shape-shifting Catherine Schell not even retro flared trousers and a lot of plastic could seemingly prevent the catastrophe. Blasted into a universe almost entirely composed of absolutely nothing the astronauts and scientists of Moonbase Alpha enjoyed more weekly adventure than a rich man with a chocolate cock until after two seasons they passed beyond reception range. Or something.
Long have Moonbase troofers scoffed at the events as portrayed, pointing for instance at the moon, in the sky, each night and denying common knowledge of its being either a weather balloon or marsh gas, much to the agreement of men that need to shave their backs and women with brooms throughout the west country.
Today though and under mounting pressure the Government has announced that they ‘never said any such thing, at all,' on the subject and that 'the moon is up there, in the sky, look’. Conspiracy site Utterarsewater has since in the face of Government admittance that the moon is still where it always was has demanded an explanation into where the moon has gone, whilst providing four pieces of evidence to suggest that Space 1999 was faked.
Government Minister Tim Eggme had since declined to comment further. 

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