This is George, George makes stuff up. He’s pretty good at it and really he’s just having a laugh. So good in fact that he’s rather trapped in his own lies, or to be fair his stories because there’s nothing really mean about George. It’s all got a bit out of hand now. It’s the media that’s to blame, after all whenever you see Mark Lane Folly on the tele, there’s George taking people round and telling them it’s a castle. It does look like one, but it’s a folly nonetheless and if indeed the Royal Armouries can be found there then yes, of course, that exactly why they built a bloody folly. So George tells me and all desperate because people keep on giving him money to tell his stories, and as he says – look at him, he’s even taken to wearing an old Wimpy Bar mascot costume and still they think he’s a soldier. What is he camouflaged against? The 1980s?
But they won’t listen and trapped in it all George is getting sillier. If the ravens fly away the tower will fall (they’re not even ravens, what you see are Bermondsey Fighting Chickens). The crown jewels are in that building. The Kray twins were imprisoned here. William ‘the Conqueror’ a Viking from France built it when, and get this, the conquering that so named him, was here. I mean, French? Nothing he says is any more real than divining rods, goblins or Sidcup.
He can also fly. And played for West Ham. And is up for a role in the remake of The Breakfast Club.
So there’s that.