The British Olympic Team soared into the lead on the medal table today when the women’s Violent Underpass four beat up anyone that wouldn’t hand them over.
Pictured here celebrating their win over... everyone, the four Olympic heroes (in the required uniform of Croydon face-lift and single, giant, tooth) twatted their way to victory using only foul language, mugging-bats, and someone else’s iPhone. Team Captain Shazny ‘Street Ripper’ Bell personally lifted seven gold medals after ram-raiding her own team after Jessica Ennis didn’t show her no re-spec.
The triumphant Violent Underpass victors are said to be celebrating in the local KFC, in hoodies, having melted already melted the medals down for hula-hoop sized earrings and gold sovereigns the size of dustbin lids.
The Daily Mail is said to be delighted.