Tuesday 15 January 2013

HMV and Fraggle Hammers

The Woolworths-Armstrong Contrawinding Sonic Hound Gun

HMV has called in the receivers after 91 years of business, putting 4500 jobs at risk and doubtless seeing the removal of the last of the great-big-record-shops from the high street. It seems that people no longer wish to buy a proper wind-up gramophone and despite attempts to keep up with the changing market place by stocking a liquid ton of crap CDs, dog sleds, stout corduroy britches for lady explorers, and biscuit tins, the doors look set to close.
            The chain has been criticised for not reflecting the modern culture for music, mostly by charging for it. ‘The customer expects to get music for free,’ a statement released today describes, ‘from the downloady interweb thing. Musicians aren’t doing proper work and should not expect to get paid for it, what with everyone else’s girlfriends in their beds, and all the weasel glands they can eat stuffed up their bums. Or whatever it is that musicians do; live on watery beans and stolen tea bags if everyone has their way.’
            This is the latest in the fight back against the arts. For too long have la-de-dah artists been able to swan about in big shirts consuming wine and making stuff that gives people something to spend their money on, and ever since commercial artists and writers have had their pay capped at a kick in the nuts musicians have now inevitably followed.
            No final decision has yet been taken and it is thought that the chain might be reduced, the brand saved, according to liquidation accountants as they beat assorted Fraggles to a fluffy paste with hammers.  

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