Thursday 3 January 2013

Falklands Lawn Mower Capitulation

Accusations have been made by President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner today regarding Britain’s failure to return the Falkland Islands to the Argentina, ‘We leant them in good faith,’ she declared today, ‘and they’re definitely in your shed.’
            The Prime Minister has issued a rebuttal, citing the fact that the Islands were definitely given as keepsies, and denying any claims that there are indeed in his shed, with the lawn mower, that was also a gift, though it’s not working very well now, so they can have that back.
            President de Kirchner has held up the capitulation of the UK government as a victory. ‘The UK devils have admitted that the lawn mower was ours and arrangements are being made to repatriate it through neutral parties. For too long has the lawn mower suffered the colonialist outrages of the British. Rejoice, the lawn mower returns as a hero! But let us not forget the bread maker and the punch bowl that linger still in the hands of our enemies.’
            Britain has long denied it will take part in any talks concerning the ownership of the bread maker, keeping to the line that electrical goods have the right to decide their own owners. Apart from the fridge. Which they definitely have the receipt for. 

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