You’d think there was one bloody event we’d be in with a chance for, and given as the hosts we could add four of our own then I would have put money on us winning Prog. It’s not that no one else has put together a team – that’s part of the problem – but whatever you think of Prog Rock then it gets a lot weirder when you cross the channel. Unlike the Eurovision we should have been in with a chance here, our entry (pictured) are all young lads with long experience and classical training, and our coach is James May. Our entry is actually the theme to the 2012 Olympics and does not stop until the games do. When we win anything then on the podium we will hear Jethro Tull’s Aqualung instead of the National Anthem and Whispering Bob Harris is to do the commentary to all the track and field events.
But no, we bottled it. We couldn’t even get Prog right. Because the Dutch team have already started and the entire nation, all of them, everyone in Holland, without exception - is at the gig. Our effort that is to last only the length of the games is already being considered ‘pop’. Our only hope is that the German team (a hardline krautrock anarcho-capitalist community-dictatorship called !Bumsen!) interferes.
Still that still leaves the cake baking, the giant vegetable, and the punching people events to do well in. I have faith. No tickets. But faith.
Art - Robert McGinnis