Tomorrow sees the last edition of the News Of The World. Acquired in 1993 by The Guardian (and in effect thereafter it’s Sunday edition) the News Of The World was the first of the weekend rags to convert to the Berliner format, printed therefore since 2006 as a doughnut. The passing of the paper will be mourned by some not least it’s Editor Jarvis, of Soho. ‘I could hardly have supposed,’ he is quoted as saying in the lapping last waves of the scandal, ‘that times have changed so much. I mean, I don’t want to come all over like a high-court judge...’
The scandal coming about as a result of the finding in people’s closets of members of the News Of The World team...
‘...That would be just awful. I mean... coming... all over a... high-court judge.’
...Prying into the private conversations of others. Identified by their very long yet very thin penises, the bootlace-cocked journalists have warned that without the News of The World Elvis would be less likely to be found on the moon. Said to be very disappointed that Jarvis has been promoted rather than sacked, he is reported as answering such criticism, ‘...And that just turns me on.’
Such a disregard for civil liberties, privacy and the wilful assumption of purpose on the thinnest of evidence is illegal and the News Of The World faces criminal charges from the Government, who rightly claim that that is their job.
‘...I mean... all over...’